If you’ve been coached by me, you know I call the women who pursue men “low-hanging fruit.” They’re a mixed bag—sometimes you get a truly great woman, and sometimes you don’t. But here’s the truth: you don’t want just any woman. You want the woman you want.


Not every woman who seems distant or guarded is uninterested. Often, she’s carrying past pain—heartbreak, disappointment, or betrayal—that makes her cautious in love. The key is knowing how to recognize the signs and approach her the right way. Doing so can be the difference between being dismissed and building a meaningful, lasting connection.




1. She’s Guarded Emotionally

A woman who’s hurt tends to keep her walls up. She might avoid deep conversations, hesitate to share personal details, or deflect when you ask about her feelings. This isn’t a lack of interest—it’s self-protection. Approach with patience and empathy; let her know you respect her pace. When she shares something personal, never betray her trust. Create a safe space for her to open up, and sometimes the best way to build connection is to be the first to share yourself.





2. She Pushes People Away

If she pulls back when things get too close, it’s often a sign of past pain—not a reflection on you. Don’t take it personally. Give her space, but remain consistent and dependable. Be clear about your needs and what you want, and then keep showing up. Proving that you won’t disappear over time is how trust is built.




3. She Tests Boundaries

A hurt woman may test your reactions—seeing if you’ll stay when she pulls away or if she can trust you when she acts out. Stay calm and don’t overreact, but be clear about your expectations for respect, boundaries, and stability.


4. She Talks About Past Relationships Often

When she brings up past heartbreak, it’s not a complaint—it’s how she processes life and relationships. Listen without judgment, avoid giving unsolicited advice, and show empathy. At the same time, express the connection you’re building with her. Don’t try to ‘fix’ her—just be the person she can trust and lean on.




5. She’s Slow to Commit

If she hesitates to label the relationship or define the future, it’s often because she fears repeating past pain. Give her reassurance through your actions are not just words, and avoid pressuring her for quick answers.


6. She Values Her Independence Strongly

A woman who’s been hurt might prioritize self-sufficiency. She may keep busy with work, friends, or hobbies. Respect her independence—but be supportive without being too clingy. This shows you can complement her life instead of crowding it.




7. She Notices Small Gestures

Even if she seems distant, a hurt woman will notice the little things you do. Thoughtful messages, acts of kindness, or simply showing up consistently matter more than grand gestures. This is her way of appreciating that you’re genuine.




8. She Opens Up Slowly, But Eventually

A hurt woman doesn’t trust easily, but once she does, she opens her heart fully. And it can turn out to be the best connection. Approach with patience, consistency, and respect. Celebrate small wins—like her sharing a personal story or asking for your opinion—as signs she’s letting you in.






How to Approach a Hurt Woman

  • Be Patient: Don’t rush her or expect instant vulnerability.

  • Show Consistency: Your reliability is proof she can trust you.

  • Listen More Than You Speak: Understanding comes before advising.

  • Respect Boundaries: Emotional wounds require safe space, not pressure.

  • Celebrate Small Wins: Every sign of trust or connection is progress.


The key is understanding that her walls aren’t about you—they’re about her past. With patience, respect, and consistency, you can help her feel safe, valued, and eventually ready to fully invest in a relationship again.